I always say pick your battles, but sometimes tricky discussions are unavoidable at work and in life. In my latest blog, I share eight tried and tested tips that can help make sensitive exchanges a little less stressful. Read on to find out more.
To have a discussion that solves a problem and protects your relationship, try following these eight helpful hints:
Be self-aware: How do you typically react in a hostile situation? Do you have a tendency to withdraw or escalate? Or do you clam up or retaliate? Simply being aware of this will help you stop engaging in a conversation that panders to your feelings rather than serves your needs. Remember, your goal is to master your response to stressful situations and maintain control over the conversation.
Be clear: Even when news is bad, it's better to be clear and honest than muddled and misleading. This will help the other person to better process the information you're sharing with them.
Use a neutral or empathetic tone: Your tone is your conscious and unconscious intonation, facial expression and body language. Depending on the situation, a neutral or empathetic tone is the best place to start when having a stressful conversation or managing a crisis.
Choose mild language: Avoid harsh phrases that turn up the heat in a conversation. There are many ways to say something. Do your best to choose words that advance the conversation and facilitate a functional exchange.
Take responsibility: Think about whether or not you've contributed to the problem somehow. If you have, start with an admission of regret or responsibility for your part in it. This really helps to reduce provocation.
State your intentions: Never assume that the other person knows what you mean or where you're coming from. Help stop your words and actions from being misinterpreted by clarifying your intention. This can quickly disarm the other person and shift a confrontation into an agreement.
Fight behaviours, not people: When having a stressful conversation, it's generally best to separate a person's character from their behaviour. Thinking of someone as a horrible person never helps, whereas thinking about how you can neutralise undesirable behaviour is usually much more productive.
Rehearse, but don't script: It can often help to rehearse your difficult discussion with a neutral friend. Pick someone who doesn't have the same communication weaknesses as you--ideally, a person who's a good listener and who's honest and non-judgemental. Tell them what you want to say without worrying about the language. Then, rehearse it and go over it together, take out the emotion and fine-tune your phrasing without over scripting things. Just remember to make notes, so you don't forget the feedback!
Whatever the context, difficult discussions are never fun, but hopefully these eight tips will help make your sensitive exchanges a little less stressful.
Got a tip you'd like to share on how to handle a difficult discussion? Please leave it in the comment box below!
About Victoria
Victoria believes that great communication has the power to change the world. She's passionate about helping organisations to lift their profiles, inspire action and achieve remarkable results by crafting and delivering their stories and messages in a clear, compelling and persuasive way. If you've got a question about how to produce high-quality communication plans or content, you can contact Victoria here or connect with her on LinkedIn.
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